Look Who’s Inside Again

Well, it got me, and it got me good. Having extolled the virtues of a clean house, and getting organised for the new year, I tested positive the following day and have been a useless bag of bones for the last week.

Having organised the house so thoroughly and diligently the week before, it didn’t really leave me with all that much to do, but COVID hit me pretty hard, and I haven’t had energy for anything at all, really. Feeling extremely grateful to have been triple vaxxed, as it could’ve been a lot worse without it.

Other things I’m feeling grateful for: the cute nurse (pictured above), putting together some proposals for various things and seeing what sticks, and generally feeling like I’m doing things to keep the engine running. I’m also enjoying blogging about nothing again. It’s how everything started for me, yet once I got published it made me feel more insecure about sharing, rather than less. I think it’s because I’m still dealing with some trauma related to both my books, that I will bore you all with another time. Or maybe I’ll channel it into something creative, who knows.

I’m at a crossroads at a moment, with several new opportunities in front of me which have left me with a bit of choice paralysis. As in, I have so many choices in front of me that I can’t make a decision in any direction, because I want it all and yet I don’t know what I want at all. I always think of an image from The Bell Jar, when Sylvia Plath describes a withering fig tree, laden with fruit - and how each fig represents something, like a family, or a career, or the future, and in her indecision the fruit start falling all around her, and begin to decay. It resonates with me so much, that image - and perhaps that’s the reason why figs are one of my favourite fruit.